Resolutions for 2009-

1) GET RID OF THIS COLD

2) Have a better year than 2008

See not too complicated

but I am so tired of this cold.. 2 years Ive had the same box of kleenex and think Ill need to go buy a new box next week... sigh

Project 365

Okay I decided I need a project and this is as good as any... So here are *my* rules (or guidelines if you prefer)

-I will be doing it Disney- BUT its not limited to the parks so on my days off it can be pictures of disney pins etc

-If I miss a day I will allow "memory" days where I can add one of my favorite pics Ive taken BUT those require journaling

The rest I wont require myself to journal (I HATE that part) it will be optional

and I think to stay motivated the blog will be included- Prob not daily but at least weekly... Do I think Ill go a whole year? hopefully...

Thoughts

I know creative title..  Alas its a whole lot of nothing and a little bit of everything...

I went to Aldi's for the first time today and I think I'll like having them around except one thing. I am too short for their store. They put their prices high and then stack their cases in front and it is really hard to see some to the prices- sigh. 

I heard about the whole Project 365 where you are challenged to take a picture a day for a year and I am very seriously considering doing it as I really need a challenge right now... I am also thinking if I theme it to diz that it may be a way to rediscover the little things (course who knows what the year will bring?)

I do think that personally things seem to be looking a bit brighter. We are back to 40 hour work weeks and I was able to get 2 overtime shifts for this week and next. Add that I finally figured out how to use the flex spending thing and should be getting 180 bucks back (not to count free drugs this week and a bottle of contact solution!) Woot... Also add that my family is helping out with my car payments which will take the pinch of immensely. 

Maybe 2009 will be okay

Maybe

Christmas a la Disney

So now my internet is healed.. A few pictures from the kingdom this week...

Tired

So I am so tired of this cold I caught on Christmas- I miss breathing consistently through my nose.. I am VERY grateful to have my internet back :)

Farewell my fish

So my fish died today. I know I didn't appreciate him as well as my last fish but I still think itll be hard to not have him there when I get home... I guess his christmas present of new food wasnt a great idea... 2.5 years was almost as long as I had AP which I know is long for a cheap 10 cent fish but I dont think I was quite ready to say goodbye...

Farewell Pudge. I heard all drains lead to the ocean

End of an Era

So today marks the last day of operation for the business and package center under the original owner and the departing of the crew that made it all happen. Its a weird feeling knowing for the next few weeks will be a growth experiance for both teams old and new as we figure out how to coexist togeather for the betterment of everyone.

Its a weird feeling being the one left behind. I think I prefer to be the one moving on...

Oddest Christmas lunch ever...

Now it was very good but very very odd... So today at work they made lunch which was exciting in the first place (as I think we are all forgetting what lunch is around here with no events all month... anyway..) but for lunch we had...


French Fries


Corn Dogs


and


Swedish Meatballs with Mickaroni pasta

Very good but odd combination....

Least its better than Ramen (okay okay I would've splurged and made Mac n Cheese) so itll just be hitting the cookies!

(and disclaimer- I now realize how much I like Safari's spell check as you go so I apologize for any and all spelling mistakes... cause IE is not checking...)

Merry Christmas!

in leu of the christmas cards that are sitting on my counter still in the box (Least I bought them...) just wanted to wish a very Merry Christmas to everyone....

I would add a cute picture but alas since my internet at home is broken... you get the lite no picture version courtsey of work...

(where is very evident that christmas is a lot less popular of a church holiday than easter on vacation... it's awfully quiet and we would've been fine with 1000 chairs vs the 3700 we set...)

Random Things

So today at Mart they had a new and improved 20 items or less line- Where they only had 1 line and a computerized board that called you to the next ready line... I was impressed- The line seems longer but it moved really well-

Did NOT do much productive today- I did make stroganoff and sugar cookies (well the verdict is still out on those...) and almost passed level 14 on Pizza Palace.. 

Tomorrow is off to MK to finish Christmas at the world... 

 

I have presents under my tree!

Is it Thursday YET?!?!

What I want for christmas...

Ohh just a space shuttle... Its *only* 42 mil (but wonder if I could get a few mil off the 5 mil shipping charge since I live close to KSC... bet I could trailer hitch it to the back of my Toyota and take it down 528- bet THAT would go over well...)

http://www.clickorlando.com/news/18308117/detail.html

and if I got to choose I'd like Endeavour but Atlantis would be nice too ;)

awwww

Why did they...

have to take prob my all time fav dis ornament and make it better?!? I so want one (and I *already* have 2 of the original ones...) I LIKE the sparkly suit... I guess I need to start hitting prop 'trol to hopefully find one...

Reason 1244 I like living here...

Is that today I spent the day at 'cot and came home pink... So did not remember to grab the sun screen in DECEMBER... It was a balmy 70 degrees... Anywhoot... All in all it was a decent day but they should really coordinate all the story tellers so you don't have to back track around the lagoon so many times to see them all... You could easily put them on rotations so say 11:00 you can start in Canada and 11:30 UK, 12:00 France etc... It was annoying going from Canada to Japan to Italy to Germany to USA to Morocco to UK to France to USA to Norway to Mexico to China... I was soo not then walking back to USA for Candlelight... Most were very good and I did learn something (a bit of histotainment...) but I was disappointed in seeing how abandoned the shrubbery has gotten- very obvious the budgets be slashed here (yes when you wait for the storytellers you notice the plants a bit more- course some was just that obvious...)

Sometimes you just cant make stuff up

because the truth is so much stranger than fiction... So I got a holiday card from my grandpa's wife today who is sad to hear I've been laid off from my job.. Uhh last I checked I still had a job (low hours but a job) and not to feel discouraged.. and yet the card was addressed to my "work" (a) a location that with her spelling doesn't exist- and (b) I haven't worked at in over a year and a half and (c) yet still has my apt number on it- a large hotel doesn't use an apt number.. and (d) if I was laid off how would I get the card..)

Least the check was nice... course if I am "unemployed" you would think she'd be nicer...

If you find...

my motivation please return it... I miss it..

So much to do and zip zilch zero desire to get any of it done...

sigh

Pins Updated...

So I re-arranged my pins this week and while I'm not sure I like it... here is how it currently looks...

From left to right- Top to bottom

Epcot flags, Minnie, Summer

Dumbo, Where Dreams Come True

Bear in the Big Blue House, Sorcerer Mickey, Small World, Medals, Pirate n Princess

Soda Caps, Monorails and Wilderness Region

What I left back in Utah

and yes they had to de-ice the plane... I arrived home to 60+ degree weather... Reason 234 I like Florida more than Utah (but I do miss the family)

Truth is stranger than fiction...

So today we had a group (which is rare now days...) and the strangest thing happened that I am almost convinced its so strange I wouldnt be surprised if it was staged... So the two mice make their grand entrance, walk  a grand U around the room and less than five feet before they hit their spot when the girl mouse passed a volunteer fell back. Now this volunteer was FACING her direction and seemed to be WATCHING and the girl mouse was no closer than an elbow at best (IMO- mind you) and for the next hour the volunteer complained and nursed it... If it wasnt that the group was trying to nickel and dime the whole event I wouldnt be as cynical but seriously...

It was a weird event to say the least... but we did get chicken nuggers, mac n cheese and hamburgers...

I must have had fun cause this month is half over..

Who knows where this month has gone- I dont think I had fun (well except for the weekend at home) but who knows...

Pin Defeat

Okay so I've officially admitted pin defeat- I need more cork boards. I have too many collections that need to grow.. (and yes I still have the pile of pins on my floor..) so now to resume the ever annoying task of finding cheap cork boards that work... Add to the fact Ill prob get a few more pins at the pin sale next week (no comment!- hey my justification is that I didn't buy them at 20% off- so I can get them at 70%) I need space.. 

Alas I'm off to the post office to mail 2 trades off, and then to hopefully find a new shirt and then Mart to look for cork and a small bottle of contact stuff (which I *know* will be expensive but less than checking a bag on the plane..) They downsized the big bottle but its still .5 over the limit... 

The undecided fate

So yesterday I decided I needed to organize my traders (as I haven't done that since before the Sept pin event) and I have ended up with a pile of pins quite frankly I don't know what to do with. They are the ones while they don't fit any of my collections  so I can't "collect" them, their trade values are so lousy Ill never trade them (one for instance has about 170 people trading and 20 people wanting) but they are "too good" to put on lanyards... Some of them are 10.95 pins (or just sparkly, pretty, shiny etc) So for now they sit on my floor in a large pile.. 

 I *know* there are worse problems in the world but I can't decide what to do with them... The last thing I need is more collections (as if Memories, Lilo, 'rails, Tarzan, Summer, Patriotic, Minnie dressed up, Dumbo, Wilderness Region, Small World (still in denial over this one), Where Dreams (and this one), Piece of History, Bear and Kennedy Space Center (and this one) weren't enough!) I do not need to add sparkly, castle, DAK and Mickey to the pile as I have no more wall space or binder space... 

Quote of the Day..

So today in between making snowflakes (YES we were that bored..) at work today,  I was reading one of the few management books I like (If Potter ran GM) and one of the quotes stuck out and I quote " Corrupt leaders tend to hire corruptible people and then mold them into their image, to the long term mutual detriment of all."  That one sentence describes this company all to well. If you can't be molded to think like they think then you have no chance. 

If you threaten to pull back the curtain and revealing that the mighty Oz is nothing more than a simple man then you will be eliminated. They don't want you to know that it is all a mere shroud of power, that there truly is nothing more than someone whose mere accomplishment was that of deceit and corruption. 

Its easier to make decisions when you aren't the one who has to answer the questions and see what and who that decision affects. Leading is more than just words its an action.

But what do I know- I'm not "good enough" for this company. 

Its the little things I tell ya

So I spent the day at DAK and had a pretty decent time- I watched the parade and had never noticed before that Terk's bag has an Adv Club logo on it :) It lives on... 

The park was pretty crowded which was nice.. and the buck turkey dinner at the cafeteria was actually decent...

Happy Turkey Day

Shellfish is not to be stolen

So the last two days (Mon and Tues if you are counting) we had the dinner for the people who had been here 10 and 15 years and while we didnt have near the fun of the 20 it was memorable in its own right. Day 1 brought very few fashion misses but it did have the drunk guy. Day 2 brought many fashion misses and the three (not one, three) people that got busted for stealing shellfish... Apparently two guys got busted for hoarding the shrimp  (and putting it in bags to take home) and then there was crab lady.. 

They put full crabs out as showpieces in the crab claw displays (which had been out since atleast 5pm- the show crabs NOT the claws) and oh 11:30 I notice a lady laying out napkins then putting the crab on and wrapping him up, then putting him in her plastic bag, she then repeated the process 2 more times.. I of course thought it was hilarious (though security did not) and went and confiscated the crabs... I think all you'd get is a really bad case of food poisoning...  It just amazes me what people think they can take home.. I haven't heard how many of the glasses and china walked out this time...

There are signs everywhere...

So I logged onto cnn to read the headlines- found an interesting story on best cities to find a job.. WHY does 3 of them have to be utah and 1 where I lived? I think its mocking me right now... What living in a city where over 800 people lost a job this week and more than 4,500 in October isnt a great place to find a job? I had no idea (insert massive sarcasm here) 

I may have to accept my fate and return to the snows of utah...  uh maybe there needs to be more thought... I like my florida just wish it paid better

Tree!

So I actually decorated my tree today (no more naked tree at my house)

It is kinda sad that I can fill a 6 ft tree with only dis ornaments.. Kinda keeps the theme in the box ;) Oh well I like it- Today I decided to do psedo thanksgiving as I realized I have to feed myself lunch every day (working 4-1) and made green beans, stuffing and tatos (out of a box) and found some frozen turkey and gravy (which looked NOTHING like the box.. Very much if you spend 2 dollars you get what you pay for..) but mixed in with the stuffing its not soo bad.. Its not near the same as home or real cooking but its not bad...

Going Home

Woot! The perk of working where Dec is dead is after 3 years I finally get to go home for the christmas party! I know its not christmas but well 230 bucks round trip is much better than 670... Beggars cant be choosers... The month is starting to look up :) 

its DONE!!!

After 3 weeks- My Adv Club scrapbook is done (okay there are still things to add and pluss) but 99% of it is never going to be touched...

Woot! Now what to do with all the time..

http://s157.photobucket.com/albums/t71/DL_EM/Adv%20Scrap/

Lets see if that links to it... Technology.. Fascinating

Merry Christmas?

So yesterday I went to the local Festival of Trees.. It was smaller than I hoped but still not bad (except that most of the local seniors were there so it was slow moving..) Its technically "Christmas season" but it just doesnt feel like its worth celebrating this year... This year has been horrible- why celebrate it? I had hoped seeing pretty trees would jump start my attitude but it hasnt... 

Sigh- Another fuzzy morale building day

So the other shoe just dropped finding out two departments were outsourced to an outside company and those guys are out of a job at christmas. Merry freaking christmas. To add to the fun of all of it when they were told of the meeting it was plainly stated that "there was nothing to worry about" "it wasnt bad" yeah there goes my respect for management... Bull CRAP! My heart is breaking for them. 

God Speed Endeavour!

Once again- photo courtsey of Nasa

The brightest star in the sky tonight

was the Space Shuttle Endeavour.. Sigh I have become the biggest space geek since moving here and I absolutely *love* watching the shuttle launch and tonight's night launch was gorgeous with the full moon as a backdrop. I partly wish I wouldve gone out closer but in the fact I wont have to fight traffic for 4+ hours to get home is good too :) My window is a great view... (photo courtsey of nasa... I *wish* I could get as good of pictures...

Uh okay...

So I stopped at Mart on the way home to get a new ink cartridge (after finding out mine was apparently non refillable) and was reading the back (after seeing the bold- read warning label on the front..) and for the record- By opening that package I *know* that the cartridge is  quote "designed to stop working after delivering a fixed amount of ink" (you mean it doesn't magically refill?) and that "after use the license to use the print cartridge terminates and must be returned only to Lexmark" (uh okay so I cant give it away as a gift?) Sad part is it states it all again on the inside wrap of the cartridge... So its single use- I'm fine with that as long as they stay about the cost of a refill.. 20 bucks is okay 40 is not... and since they added the postage paid envelope Ill even save the planet and mail back the old one...

Now off to hopefully finish my 'book

So did not realize...

I have no idea why it wasn't until tonight I realized youtube had more than AC clips its has TARZAN.. I am a happy camper getting to watch Tarzan Rocks tonight (how I miss that show), Tapestry of Nations and of course the club...

You know its depressing when I spend more time watching movies of my favs that are gone then at the parks because I don't really like anything the park is offering right now... Its too mainstream for me...

Sigh I miss *my* shows...

The castle went all pretty again tonight- guess that means its Christmas

Not much to say

Just really don't have much to say- its very much s.o.s.d.d. here which I think is a bad thing... I'm so tired of this rut, I just want a better job, with better pay so I can once again be moving forward instead of treading water trying to balance out. But I think I'm screaming to an empty room now days along with everyone else in the world. 

Sad or Dedicated...

So after hearing that one of my fav AC kids had a gig tonight I decided to go..  I did NOT realize that downtown would be nuts with a concert at the arena... thank goodness my car wasn't towed.. and I don't even want to hear it how stupid an idea it was to cross Colonial- I *know* but I wasnt paying 20 bucks to park, it was bad enough I paid 21.49 for a dew (bought the dew and got 20 bucks back to pay for the show..) so once I finally got there it was amazing how many of the audience I recognized from the AC... I would wager that at least 2/3rd of the crowd was an ACer if not more.. So that leads to the question are we just sad or are we dedicated...  I think it may be a fine line- It makes me wonder how empty the place usually is :) or if they realize who brought the crowds if it'll be the new "cloob"... 

>I don't believe they care. Not at all.<

So I was reading a topic today on LP and I have never wanted to comment so bad on a topic I know I shouldn't so instead I'll post here... Somehow it seems safer. 

 >>Now is the time to get all of standards up to what they should be...>>
>They have to want to do it, buddy. I don't believe they care. Not at all.< 

They don't. Its that simple they don't. They care more about the bottom line and protecting their rears than they do about the history and heritage that built the company. If you don't fit their mold and their goals and actually attempt to think outside the box and bring the "famous" standards back into today then you will find yourself under the bus. They don't want to be threatened in their lack of ability and skills and will keep you under that bus..  Things that made this company famous are going by the wayside because they don't care. I think one word that can easily describe it is lazy- the leaders are to lazy to keep the standards themselves and to lazy to enforce the standards in their team. Reprimands take time and paperwork, its just easier to ignore the violation. 

The only goal now days it how to maximize cash while minimizing outlay and effort. They are trying to put the Mart model into everything and give everyone the exact same experience instead of providing dozens of choices and let people create their own experiences, but that costs more and may require more training and staff... 

sigh- I may love this company but I do not like it

Proposition...

For the first time I will be voting (I know shame on me) and while I honestly don't give a rats *&% about who will be president (lesser of two evils if you ask me) I will be voting simply to vote against Prop 2. I don't know why I feel so strongly against it. Prop 2 is not just out against the same sex couples, its out against anyone who isn't, cant or doesn't want to be married for whatever reason. It disallows any "bond" between people that often is needed in case of emergencies, health coverages etc.  I think everyone needs to have that ability to have that bond with whoever they need to for whatever circumstances they need it for. I don't think its something to be taken lightly and needs standards and boundaries but it needs to be an option for everyone. 

 I will have to say though if our prop 2 was written as California's is I would still be voting against it, no questions asked. I honestly think that as long as they are consenting adults they should be allowed to marry whoever they want, girl, boy, big, small, short, tall, black, white, yellow, purple it doesn't matter.  Allowing them to marry does NOT take away from my rights. I am still able to marry whoever *I* like. Its just allowing people to experience the same type of joy as others. Religions have always had "rules" on getting married in their religion, so if they want to add the whole requirement of being male/female, feel free. Just like you have to meet the qualification of worthiness for them you'll have to meet one more qualification. Its THEIR right to deny a male/female couple who doesn't belong just as easily as a male/male or female/female.. 

But where society is supposed to have the whole church/state separation who are we to make those kind of qualifications?  It seems silly that a girl can get married at 16 to a boy but two 30+ year olds who happen to be both men cant share the same experience.. Statistically who would be married in 10 years? Let's let everyone have the chance to have a wonderful (or horrible) life time together. Why just let the hetros have all "fun"? (Yes I *know* I'm going to hell for believing in it but I think I'll have more fun with my friends and their partners (whoever they be) than those who are so narrow minded their blinders are stuck shut...)

I heard somewhere that this is just another evolution of our society and it makes complete sense. 100 years ago we needed 10+ kids to survive, 50+ years ago segregation was still acceptable, 25 years ago the internet was a foreign word to most, 10 years ago cell phones were bricks. Now its all different, which is not a bad thing... 

Okay so apparently I had more to say than I thought... 

If you'd walk a mile in our shoes...

I have. If I hadn't I doubt I'd be so passionate on the subject, simple as that. It IS because I know the "rules" and "how its done" it maddens me when it is not done right. It's not rocket science... It's scheduling. sigh. But it was a decent day when my least fav kid got fired after not showing up on time (you get a schedule every week for a reason!) for at least the second time this week (not counting the week before and the week before that...) The only bad part was I had predicted 9:45 (supposed to be in at 6:30) and he showed up at 9... and someone finally had the balls to fire him (as they seem it easier to turn a blind eye to discipline..) and it means Ill get 4 hours extra out of the deal as I covered the end of shift today and all day tomorrow...  

Is work supposed to be so maddening or is it just that I am so bored (sudoku anyone?) that I am splitting hairs? I miss actually working for a living, doing something where at the end of the day you had something to show for it.. 

One day Ill find someone to want me and wants me for what I am good at and will let me excel at it.. One day

Stupid computer...

So after spending the better part of all evening picking pics- somehow a good chunk decided not to copy so now get to have the fun of figuring out which ones I wanted but didn't copy... That can wait... Now to see how bad they get butchered by the photo place... it says some wont be perfect but when I tested them on my printer they came out clear... who knows...

grrrrr...

What determines the name?

So I came up with a quandary today that I can't decide which answer is right.. Is it called spaghetti because of the sauce or the noodle? If its because of the noodle I am eating egg noodles with a tomato sauce, if its because of the sauce I'm eating spaghetti... or does it just not matter? Deep thoughts on a day off I know... It breaks up the doldrums of going though 2000+ pics to pick out the best ones for my scrapbook of the club.. I can say one thing- If there is one pic there is two hundred but surprisingly there are somethings there  are little to no pictures for... Same with video- some songs have five videos others none... I almost wish I started this project oh in July so I could remedy that easier... I hope google will be my friend...

So I did have to laugh today at Mart when my grand total for groceries came to a whopping 5.33... Milk, eggs, margarine, tomato paste, sauce packet and 'shrooms... Big spender.. I can safely say I've stayed under 80 bucks for groceries this month.. I think my total is closer to 50... 

Alas back to picture searching.. then finding a cheap place to get 200+ pics developed without costing an arm and leg...

How to be a Leader 101

Rule #1- Don't treat your employees like they are stupid and don't have a clue what is going on.. All you do is (*U^$ off them and make you look like an idiot... 

Rule #2- Magic Words.. Please and Thank you go a loooonnng way

Rule #3- Ask and don't demand, remind but don't preach. 

Rule #4- Remember the title was given and can be taken away- and the fall from that pedestal can be painful...

Rule #5- Don't ask your team to do things you yourself won't do. 

and I'm not "smart" enough to be a leader... 

sigh

Putting the Customer back in customer service..

So today I went to Mart and  bought 3 tires I knew I needed.. For being the *only* customer in the tire place it amazed me the lack of service I received.. Now after working for Mart for several years I don't expect much but seriously.. I should've just paid the extra 100 bucks and went to the dealer... Least I get sandwiches there... Yes I know I was interrupting their chatting time but you would think they'd be happy for my 300 bucks... sigh least I hopefully won't be  back for 60,000 miles... 

Afterwards I stopped at the King for lunch (big splurge!) and tried their new 'shroom swiss burger- It was okay... I won't be ordering it again AND I think Ill be asking in advance of ordering if they have zesty sauce because their 'rings are just not good without the sauce... I will recoup 2 bucks by filling out their survey so it wont be as bad but its true- spending 7 bucks for lunch isn't worth more than spending 2... 

Some days are not meant to be celebrated

I hate when people don't understand why you do not make big deals out of some days. For some of us, days that are supposed to be happy (to others) have been taken over by sad and not to be celebrated things which take precedence.. Its not being rude, selfish or any other adjective its just how things are.. I don't feel I'm missing anything so why should it even matter...  For me days to be celebrated are just ordinary days made into extraordinary days not the ones the calendar says to celebrate...

It's the same reason I LOVE the christmas season but I hate the day... Its all the build up to a day that turns out to be rather ordinary..

Course now days there just isn't much to celebrate... Maybe 2009 will be better...

Growing a backbone

So I saw a prime example today of how some people get to where they are... Its not that they are good its because no one superior to that person will grow a backbone when dealing with them and so they get away with everything and anything leaving those (who are equal or below) who  with the result of the actions.. Even though those people said and told the person that their actions were not appropriate or correct... I do wish I could be there to see the fireworks tomorrow when the ops manager sees todays actions but alas Im off tomorrow... I shall have to hear how it all went..

Course this person has now earned a reputation on how little work he can actually do but how much he can take responsibility for doing (at the expense of others..) Course we would have LOTS less to talk about if he wasnt around... I just wish it wasnt my friends who was having to pick up and do his job all the time...

Sigh least this weeks check will be decent- thank you 16 hours of overtime... I can afford to get hot dogs AND ramen noodles next week... sigh its the small things in life...

The other side...

So the fortunes of fate were with me and the grand total cash outlay was less than 120 bucks for both the dentist and the toyota place... Woot! I still need to get new tires but thats tolerable...

So I'm currently watching the final Hoopla (HOOPLA) on the 'tube and oh how I wish I could've filmed it myself... Its not THAT hard to hold a camera still people! sigh- least its available...

As for the work front its nothing but the same old $%^& different day... Just watching the world go down in a ball of flame of lies, confusion and denial (which is more than a river...) The way it seems to be going is we will finally be able to afford to drive to work but will have no hours so will have gas but no where to go... I am very thankful I've gotten 16 hrs this week and 20 extra next week so itll help...

I can say I've "winned" but it helps (yes I heard that term today from ironically a group of teachers...) 

Let the cash flow begin...

So if I make it through this weekend with money left it will be a good thing... Today the car goes in for its 35,000 mile checkup and I PRAY I get out cheap... Then tomorrow I have the dentist which I pray they finance... sigh why does it rain and then pour?

So I tempted the winds of fate today..

and we shall see if they like me this week... I lucked out and got 4 extra shifts for next week- now to cross my fingers my work schedule doesn't change so I can keep them... (and sadly it'll prob not even make a dent into what my week will prob cost between the dentist and toyota place..)

Course on the same day all my least favorite people started to post again on LP so its kinda mixed emotion.. I don't realize how good the boards are till they start shedding over everything..  

I want my mouth to stop hurting so I can eat properly again.. Least its got me down to 1 can of coke a day.. 

  

I miss it...

Walk on...

When you build yourself a soapbox...

and use it to share your views- you better make sure its sturdily built or else you just come off looking stupid... Growing up where I did and how I did has left me with an interesting view on life (to say the least) which can be summed up with I refuse to admit the world is black and white (unlike most where I'm from) I may not and do not agree with all the gray but I acknowledge it exists and that some people believe it. 

Watching (well reading) a battle ensue on LP has left me with even more respect for the gray and helps me to see why I don't side myself with what I was raised. 

I look at people who I have become friends with and trust and realize if I lived according to the "rules" I shouldn't be friends with or socialize with them at all as they are "not of the faith" and I realize I would rather hang out in "hell" with my friends than in "heaven" with those who "believe" (course if I can pick and choose it would prob end up being 50/50... because I want to hang out with my family) 

While I love my family/extended family/friends I can see how narrow minded some are and I wish I could introduce them to some of my friends and show them that some of "those" people are great wonderful people who just happen to "bat for the home team" or believe in a different religion.  

Okay so I apparently love quotation marks today- just making sure everyone is awake...

End of the tunnel

I wish I knew when and where this tunnel is going to end because I am getting so tired of being in it. I know I know that this is just temporary but it feels like its becoming more and more permanent as the months click by. I miss liking what I do, I miss feeling valued at the end of the day, I miss being here for a reason I believed in, I miss quite frankly living a dream. Now I hate what I do, who I've become and hate that I believed in this dream. Now I'm stuck here, can't afford to even breathe and I just want to go home and pretend that this was just a nightmare that I had. As each day goes by I feel more and more fight leaving me, accepting that this wad of crap I was dealt is what I was destined. My belief in myself is fading and I don't know how to get it back. Maybe this is how its just supposed to be- I wish I knew- I wish I could blink tomorrow and someone would hire me for something more than being a door stop, but that doesn't seem to be happening. Maybe all I will ever be is a door stop.. Guess I shouldn't have wasted my parents money on a college degree... It just makes me a very frustrated door stop. 

Peppermint Scented..

You know I feel so much better about my job now that my christmas celebration card came scented this year... I doubt I'll even use it unless people decide to come visit and then I can share the scent but its an interesting add on.. I wish the Merch discount started earlier like it did last year (aka before my birthday) but I can't afford to buy anything anyway but the coke coupons are always used (or more exactly a non-alcoholic bottled beverage) 

So the craziest thing today- I was starting to take a nap when the power went off (which seems to happen more often than one would think...) which one would think wouldnt affect a nap but I couldn't sleep after that- weird I know.. So I re-arranged my Minnie pins to fit them onto one board- then I decided to take a walk to check the mail and noticed the electric company with lots of trucks in the street so obviously wasn't just me, but when I got back home the lights were back on and now I'm not tired... 

Alas I should just eat dinner instead of chopping on the halloween candy that *somehow* ended up in my pockets after passing out candy at the halloween party (one of a bazillion) yesterday... but its right here and the sloppy joe stuff is around the corner... need I say more :)

Cookies!

So today I wanted cookies and usually we have some at work but alas today was no food day... So I actually baked tonight (and so far haven't set the house on fire..) though I think it was 50/50 on dough eating vs baking so if I die tomorrow its from the eggs...  for goog'ling the recipe they are pretty good..  Mega healthy dinner I tell ya :)

So it seems in the world of caffeine 12 packs are going as a thing of the past- today at Lix they had 8 packs and 18 packs- weird... gonna have to pay more attention to case size to get a deal.. What is so fundamentally wrong with 12 packs? Oh well- with the price still 4.69 for a 12 (or 8 pack) I haven't bought any recently (thank goodness for free diet coke at work..) as that'd be 1/4th of my budget... I miss the ol' 2.50 a pack sale...

I did luck out on playing  "overtime roulette" and ended up with 1 shift tues and 2 for next week- 6 hrs this week 10 total next so not too bad... Still gonna look for something for wed if not Ill prob go hit a park for the first time in months... 

What happens when you forget to dream?

So I know my family isn't too fond of my lack of ideas for future gifts but in reality its been so long since I've been able to think about what I want its become hard. It used to be pretty easy to list what I wanted because  so many things were always "going to buy anyway" but when the tables get turned and a dollar becomes precious you simply stop wishing. 

Things such as new clothes, new shoes, new toys, new cds and dvds are not something thats even on the radar right now... Would I love a Digital SLR? More than anything but when I worry if the rent is going to get paid this month it becomes pointless to even think about it... 

One day this will be a thing of the past and I will get to go out to eat and not even care about buying a combo meal... I'll get to go to Mart and buy juice and milk in the same week (and maybe even a new movie..) one day

oh how I miss the Box... and the Crown and the Rio.. Ramen anyone?

It's actually quite funny...

When a decision is made that quite frankly is the wrong decision it becomes quite funny to watch people try to defend said decision. It's like watching them sell life jackets in the desert the longer it goes, and the harder they try, the funnier it gets... Umm yeah I can see right through that- the probability I will need a life jacket in the desert is just about as likely as needing a coat in hell... The stories have started to have as many holes as swiss cheese (so I'm one with the metaphors today.. so sue me its Friday- or Tuesday however one wants to look at it..) 

but all I know is... a television, couch and microwave is NOT a required piece of equipment necessary to perform ones job function ANYWHERE  (yes that came pretty much verbatim out of a managers mouth) in my building (or anywhere else I've worked in the last 10 years..) Seriously sign me up because I am kinda on a Family Feud, View and Millionaire withdrawl now its been two weeks since we've seen it... 

Oh well I'll just add that to the no comment list and leave it right there (which reminds me that list is getting rather long...) One day it'll all be told... one day

Standing in a crowded room...

screaming but nobody ever looks up... One of my favorite quotes from Titanic that sadly hits way close to home somedays..  Which leads me on my current thought of class and how sometimes despite best thoughts it can rear its head. This week at work my team feels very 'third class' compared to the treatment of other teams within the same building. I know not all teams are equal but when one team not only gets what the other teams don't but gets what was taken away from other teams. Then makes its so exclusive that it prevents others from doing their job it doesn't fly in my world... Then when this action is not only allowed but is supported by those in power makes it show the  true colors of the organization...  Sigh- and I'm not "good enough" to be a leader? I'm starting to think its the opposite- I have to much respect for the whole team and not just a certain part of the team.. I care more about what's right rather than what's popular... But course I am the one that is sitting between a rock and hard place staring at the rising water...

Thoughts-

Nothing much to ramble on today about- Another boring predictable day here in the neighborhood. Yesterday I went out to Kennedy and took their Up Close tour.. Which I will admit if I had paid for it I would've been mad as it wasn't really good... It went out to the causeway, then drove by the landing strip and then we stopped 2 feet closer to the VAB than the regular tour...Add to the fact it was raining all day... Woot... The History tour was MUCH better... but I did like the Hall of Fame which I stopped at after... it was pretty nice touch though not very repeatable.. 

Then off to Mart where I refused to spend 4.67 on a 12 pack of soda- but did get a great deal on cereal so now have more cereal then Ill prob ever use... You know my life is sad when I find getting cereal for a buck a box exciting.. 

I could wish October would be better than September (and August, July, June etc) but I don't think I'll be that lucky...  Add to the fact overtime has been non-existant its another month of pinching those pennies so hard they squeal... 

At what point do you accept defeat?

We don't cry because its over, we smile because it happened..

Famous last words..  So the last two weeks have gone way to fast and now the Adventurers Club is just a memory. No more Hooplas (HOOPLA), Induction Ceremonies, Balderdash Cups (Go Otis!), Artifact or Aritfake lessons, Talking Masks, Singing Colonels, Club Presidents, Rhythm Rituals, Radiothons, Salutes, Songs about Cows, Donkeys, Toast, Saints and everything else under the sun or Kungalooshs...  

But for me the end started to happen weeks ago, when the club as I really known it slowly was crowded out to oblivion.  While I have no regrets (okay so not asking for time off is one) I missed the club where you didn't have to queue 3 hours in advance for a chance to see the show, where you got to sit down, and had more than 2 inches of personal space to yourself... But I loved every minute of it and wish it could go on forever.. I guess I always thought that I would leave the club before it ever left me. 

Now its just a memory, a stack of 14 cups (did NOT realize I had so many..) a pile of wristbands (every color of the rainbow I think), 600+ pictures (how I wish I wouldve bought a digital SLR before it closed) and thousands of memories. I wish I had more time to let those I love experience the club and get to know it. It it pretty impossible to describe it, its something that needed to be experienced to understand. Now Ill do my best to be a true Adventurer and not forget its stories, songs and legacies with the hope that one day it will be recognized for the gem it was. 

I am happy that we as guests did the club proud the last two weeks showing that while we couldn't change the decision we wouldn't let the Club go quietly into oblivion without showing how proud we were to be Adventurers. One of my favorite quotes was from one of the original cast from the club last Tuesday in the Main Salon which was stuffed to the gills to another cast member, " it is tuesday right?" then turns to the rest of the crowd and says its tuesday ?!?, where have you all been for the last 19 years.. Having the Club hit capacity less than 20 min after opening was great the last day (esp as I was IN the club when it happened- had I been outside I doubt I would've been so impressed..) 

I want to give a huge thank you to the cast and crew of the Adventurers Club and thank them for letting us be a part of the magic and adventure of the place, and know that I am grateful for each one of them. 

Marching along were Adventurers, singing the song of Adventurers... Up or Down, North South East or West, an Adventurers life is best...

For being the first day of fall...

Why does it have to rain all day... sigh- I still haven't decided which is worse driving in a snow storm or a rain storm? Both have their plus and minuses but I really need to find somewhere where there is no precipitation which would leave me living in oh Death Valley... Nevermind.. I shall take rain :)  It doesn't stick around as long as snow. 

Alas off to Adventurer's Club again tonight- Gotta get more cups (WHY oh WHY did they have to make them so neat- I would've been happy with one- and so would my budget)

Kungaloosh!

Where does time go?

I'm still wondering where April, May, June etc went let alone September...  Not much remarkable has been going on- pretty much SOSDD- I did have a job interview today which for knowing about it for 3 hours and working for 2 of them seemed to go okay... Who knows if it'll mean anything... I have yet to come up with a tactile way of describing what happened with my retail career but I don't know if there is a tactile way of saying I was thrown under a bus and left there to rot... 

Alas since I have to be up in T-minus 6 hours I better try to sleep.. 

Sometimes its not what is said its how its said...

So today I saw the sign at work and it shouldn't bother me as much as it does... They are turning the break room into a storage area because they need somewhere to store valuable things etc etc- Okay while it may be true- It sent a VERY strong message that people are less valuable to them than things... Yeah thats a strong morale builder for your team... 

It also shows the blinder mentality that seems to be so present now days as the most basic of questions have received no answer from the ones who made said decision... I don't profess to be the smartest cookie in the jar but when I can think of at least 20 questions as to protocol now- why weren't some of them thought of and addressed before this was decided so there were more reactive statements than a head shrug? Shows the true color of the company these days..

sigh- When I truly matter less than a metal elephant or a ceramic block it makes me so excited to go to work tomorrow and do a good job. 

Today was unproductive

and I really just don't care. I did get to the library to get more movies (STILL can't figure out why I didn't find the library sooner), Post Office to mail pins out and Mart to buy groceries. Which used to be an enjoyable thing but along with other pleasures I've lost its become more of a chore than anything. I end up justifying buying things where before I'd just get it and be done. I used to justify buying a new movie or a new shirt, now I justify buying juice or cereal.. and quite frankly I hate that. When you figure out what to eat by whats cheapest or what uses the most stuff that I already have over what I want to eat... A Mart budget of 20 bucks a week is insane to most but its life now.. I splurged today and bought juice AND a frozen lasagna that was on sale.. sigh... One day I won't have to justify buying juice again... one day

Saying Goodbye-

So after spending the night at the Adventurer's Club I realized I don't think I'm ready to say goodbye to the place... It's become one of my all time favorite places and in less than 2 weeks its gone... No more club salutes, induction ceremonies and hooplas- 

Marching along we're adventurers, singing the song of adventurers. Up or Down, North South East or West an adventurers life is best.. Kungaloosh!

when does it go to far?

Working in the hospitality industry has its days and today was one of them... I am all for providing the best service possible but when it gets abused and stretched to the extreme I loose any sympathy.. For instance when we can "do nothing right" but in all honesty we had no "service failures" (ie everything went out on time, was correct etc) when we are getting railed for the tiniest things it becomes less of good service and more cover your behind (or the ever classic &^% if you do and (*%& if you don't) to the point I'll be there on my day off (and if I wasnt making time and  a half..) to try to help the team survive the day without loosing more to this group...

This is also a good lesson on controlling the amount of chiefs anything has and make sure those chiefs know their place.. Trying to deal with 4 want to be chiefs who do not agree with the head chief makes for a rough day for everyone..

I may just be open minded to much having worked in retail and hospitality for the last 7 years but I think you need to give some wiggle room for service. Things are bound to happen that no one can control and to not let the little things ruin an experience as long as those in charge acknowledge and remedy the situation to the best of their ability... 

sigh- its all just one big learning experience isn't it...

Ramblings

Why is it that some are lucky and some are not? Is it some master check list that divides people into groups? Or is it our actions, both active and passive that decides our fait? Is going about things the hard way really worth it in the end like those people are truly more worthy for the cause or is it just that they were dumb enough to not see the signs pointing them in another direction for which they might have won bigger but gave that up to fight harder for a lesser prize?

I've thought about it a lot last week when looking at people who had what I want (or at least think I want) and seeing so many of them take it for granted, not using it for what they could've. Why are they "worthy" and I am not? For many, I probably have more experience than them, more passion than them and it makes me wonder why are they able to have it but not me.. What about me makes me not "good enough" (yes I put the quotes there for a reason) for them. Is it that I am to good, to dedicated and to passionate to be happy there? Do I think to out of the box to be contained inside it? sigh- if only I knew but getting a true answer out of anyone is impossible.  Which brings back the question- if I choose to fight for this, am I giving up a greater reward or am I fighting for the ultimate prize?

Sometimes you just need to run..

 My run today ended at the beach which I do have to say is one of the perks of living in Florida.. No matter which way you run (except North) you'll eventually run into the ocean...  I love the ocean.  It has a way of clearing ones thinking and washing away stress unlike anything else I've ever found.  

I feel better, though still no idea how to stop the vortex that I seem to be stuck in but better.  If there is anyone with the magic answer, feel free to share but I know I need to have patience and be grateful for what I do have, and in the big picture this is just a blip but I'm more than ready to be done with this life lesson...

What are dreams anyway..

Life has become a reality. Which I haven't decided if its a good thing or not, living in reality. For the last two years I have lived a dream, a dream which others may envy but has now come crashing down. Why, I have no idea. Is it some part of the master plan or is it just the flavor of the month? If I am to learn anything from this I hope to learn it soon rather than having to live in this nightmare for the rest of my life.  I can only hope that looking back at this time in the next few years I can see it was for my own good and I am better for it.  For now its a nightmare... That only seems to be getting worse and I'm starting to loose faith that it will all work out. 

One of my favorite quotes is "they built the track before there was a train in existence to make the trip" I know I need to have faith but its hard especially when at every turn the doors seem to be shutting rather than opening..

Do I just have an unrealistic expectations of to my worth? Am I really only worth 7.25 an hour and I'm kidding myself that I'm worth more? Is the peak of my professional career over and selling toys is all I will be good at? sigh.. I wish there was the magic answer but when I don't know where to turn to even get a truthful answer.. Alas the search continues...